It was a ray of light that used to shine into our bedroom It used to light up your face as you slept in the mornings It was the thing that made everything so peaceful and easy but now its gone and so are you.
THE GHOST OF SEQUENCE
You rattle my soul like a ghost insane, While acoustic dreams fill my mind, With maddening screams of joy, Of your delicate smile and sinister secrets, As the hands that hold me tight, Betray the mouth that lies so sweet, As elegant suggestions creep and gnaw, At my brain as it explodes, In a technicolor chaos of momentum, As we spiral into a deep well, Of uncertainty and corruption, With all the...
This is the story that we never finished. My last rites were read to me in the backseat of your battered car as I leaned against the worn old seat with my mind clouded by beer. That was back in 2004. I had long hair back then and a belief that life was going to deliver on the promise that I would be a success. It was that belief that mixed with the beer to give me an over confident and arrogant...
YOU AND THE BEE
You were standing smiling when it happened. In the park with the sun shining down on us as the city moved peacefully around us. You had blue jeans and a white shirt on, while a straw hat attempted to hide your blonde hair. In that moment your smile faded in the blink of an eye and was replaced with one of horror. Your eyes seemed trapped on a vision towards your white shirt as a large bee landed...
A DARKNESS MORE THAN LIGHT
You walked out of the bar with another guy. A twist of your hair as you disappeared through the door into the nights cold. I turned back to my drink on the bar with all but defeat in my heart. We had spent time in the corner of the bar in the dim lighting as your laughter echoed through the music towards the rest of the crowd. I had felt on a high. Every comment I said seemed to amuse you and as...
A MILLION ATTEMPTS
The crumbling brickwork of the stark walls framed you as you knelt against it, cigarette in one hand and a glass of red wine in the other. Betrayal is never kind, there is always a victim and as I stared across at you, I could understand the pain that your boyfriend must be in right at this moment. A million attempts to stay on the straight road and at a distance from you had failed. Every film...
SKELETON OF SCEPTICISM
You stared across the table at me with a hint of madness in your eyes, a glint of mischief and a heavy dose of wired attitude, as you play with your hair and laugh at my frantic attempts to backtrack from the words I had said. Stupid words that had tumbled out of my fractured mind as I galloped ahead of the conversation with the hope that these words would amuse and entertain you, but with the...
SPLASHES OF PAINT
She was a painter. A blank canvas was transformed to beauty by her imagination as the swirling thoughts in her mind flowed through her paintbrushes and spilled into the world. I could watch her for hours as she created these works. Sat on the step in the corner of her studio with a hot coffee I watch as she tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear as she concentrates. The studio is a run down...
REGRET OVER THE WIRE
A late night call just to ask me if I was alright. This was the moment that changed our direction. The moment when I knew that we had become something more, something powerful. That quick call signalled so much about where we were at. I had been sat by the window of my flat with a view of the city, with amber lights casting shadows on the darkened streets below. A bottle of vodka sat nearby on a...
I carried my beer as I weaved through the chairs and tables of the low-lit room. The only lighting came from a couple of pink lamps on the floors, casting intriguing silhouettes across the room. I had spotted an empty table and chair half way through the crowd and began settling down. The music filtered through the room. The guy on the stage had long scraggly hair, a shabby beard, wearing a black...
I stared out of the window at the falling rain. Giant spots hit the window pain as I sat busy typing into my laptop. It had been like this all day, a torrent of water falling from the sky as if to drown us all. From my view at the top of the building I could see a world of multi coloured umbrellas running past as if like fallen leaves in a river. I turned back to my laptop and my fingers started...
SATURDAY SNOW QUEEN
The Saturday snow queen stared across the table at me, frosty and angry. In the days before the storms I used to hold her close, now we sat as far apart as possible. This was never how either of us envisioned it ending. The days when she filled my life with sunshine had long receded and in the place were all of my regrets of time wasted. I was sure these were not my feelings alone. Deep behind her...
THE LAST DAYS OF SUMMER
As the last customer walked out the door Katie looked up from the kitchen at me with a smile. I threw a tea towel down on the counter. Collectively we all sighed. It had been a busy day, a hectic day right from the start. Katie untied her apron and blew a strand of hair out of her face. The last few weeks the weather had been poor, making the summer a quiet one. Tourists had kept away from the...
A THANK YOU TO KOOKY
I remember you sitting in that cold room in the middle of the night with a bottle of vodka in your hand while you told me about creative freedom. The silence of the city circling around us as the lone lamp in the corner cast your silhouette on the wall as we huddled from the chill. You said you were never scared of failing, but always afraid of never trying. That by not putting yourself out on the...
A CIGAR INSTEAD OF A CARROT
It was the 20th September when Blue hair, Black eyeliner and hunted eyes crashed into my life. She was as chaotic in spirit as she was in appearance. It was a gallery exhibition some place near Old Street for the London Fashion week. It was a kind of soulless event in a white gallery with abstract designs and people dressing up like they were someone. Bright lights shone across the room and...
‘Are you alright’, she asked me as she sat across from me in the car, as rain hammered down around us making it feel like we were alone in the world. All either of us could hear was the rain. Which may have accounted for the fact that neither of us had spoken for the last twenty minutes. Both of us lost in different thoughts as we sat in the warmth of the car. ‘I was just thinking we should...
CLIMBING THE STAIRS
‘Climb the stairs babe’ I said as you hovered in front of me animatedly telling a story about one of the kids you teach and the things they had done that day. As the light filtered in through the open door from the street, it lit your face and the smile that was accompanying the story. You realised that you were blocking the way and that I was carrying two packed paper bags that were...
YOU LOST SIGHT OF ME
We smoked cigarettes on the front doorstep. But these days move too fast and now we never sit on the step together. You used to take two sugars in your tea. I would comment on it each time, saying that it ruined the taste. You would stick your tongue out at me. You always hummed your favourite song when you were in the shower. I’ll never hear that version again and the real one will never sound...
GOOD FRIENDS ALONG THE WAY
My friends said you were doing another gig. I wasn’t sure if I should drop by. Back in the day I would have been the one stood at the side of the stage silently singing along. Occasionally you would glance over with a smile on your face. That was when the gigs were going right. In fact, it was when the relationship was still going right. My friends kept mentioning your gig when we were drinking...
She looked at me like I was insane, then she laughed. It was a moment that hung in the room until she realised that I wasn’t either insane or joking around. Then a puzzled look spread across her face. ‘Why?’, she said to me. I shrugged. ‘Why not. I just fancy doing something completely random’. Was my reply. ‘Yeah, but that’s like, totally random. I can’t even...
THE BACKSTORY TO A RELATIONSHIP
Carl and Rachel had been together for three years. They first met when he was a temp in the office where she worked. They had first spoken at a leaving party for someone in the office. He had been at the bar as she had approached to get a drink with another colleague. Because the colleague had known Carl they asked him to order the drinks for them. They had struck up a conversation that had...
THE GIRL WHO LOOKED FOR ANSWERS
You sat on the edge of the table as people passed you by. There was a distant look on your face as you stared across the room and out the window. The distant look suited you though. It was as intriguing as your silence. The way you could sit amongst a crowd and not find the need to speak. You weren’t always this way. When the mood took you no-one had a chance of getting a word in edgeways around...
ON THE SIDE OF A POOL
My arms cut through the clear warm water as I powered my way towards the side of the pool. The splashes I made sent ripples crashing into the side. I reached the end and grabbed the edge as you gazed across from your sun bed. ‘Why don’t you come in’ I yelled. The comment prompted you to raise the black sunglasses from your eyes to stare at me. A smile spread across your...
THE RETURN OF A SMILE
I spent all night thinking how to reply to your email. It came out of the darkness like a bolt of light that struck me hard. So many years of silence and then words on a page that wrapped around me with a warmth I no longer deserved. In my life I’m inclined to drift. Its always been my way. As such, it has been this way for the last five years. Your email set my mind back on track. A track that...
LYRICS TO A MOMENT I LOVED
In a fading night of drunken chaos, You walked across the room to me, A smile spread across your face A cocky line that did you no credit, My eyes blazed back at you, Under the amber glow of city lights, You turned to me and smiled, The darkness in your eyes hid a mystery deep inside. As I turned away from you, I understood the meaning of you words, they were more beautiful than any I’d ever...
THE END OF A GHOST STORY
I started out with wonder. The first night, the first laughs and the first touch of your hand. I would gladly start it all over again. Walking down deserted streets, you wearing a shirt, so brilliantly white in the summers light. The sparkle in your eyes as you leaned in close, every word wrapped with meaning. Now what holds us together are lies and broken promises. I’m the invisible man...
EVERYBODY ALWAYS LEAVES
You sat on the rock as the waves slid onto the cool wet sand below us. The light breeze playing with your hair as it danced around your face. A face racked with thought. Next to you I sat staring through my sunglasses down at my combat shorts and flip-flops with a bottle of Goldstar beer in my hand, with the label half pealed off. Nearby an elderly woman was walking along the beach speaking Hebrew...
My phone vibrated on the bedside table as it sprang into life and filled my head and my room with the high pitched ringing. I dragged my eyelids open and glanced at the clock. 3:01 am. I stuck my arm out to fumble around for the phone, knocking every other thing off the table before I located it. As I swung it towards me I glanced at the display screen and saw that it was you ringing. I probably...
THE TORN DRESS IN THE SUN
There was a tear in the summer dress you wore, which revealed a small slither of your suntanned back. The tear happened when you decided to climb a tree. Part of it was that you wanted to prove to me that you could, the other part was due to the wine we had been sharing at the picnic. The picnic had been organised for our friend Alison who was leaving the city to move in with her boyfriend....
THE BLUE WALL
I always loved the way you threw yourself into things. You were sat surrounded by my young nieces and nephews with all eyes attentively following your every action. From the moment you folded the first piece of paper telling them that it was impossible to fold it more than eight times, which had got them reaching for bits of paper to prove you wrong, the room had been a chaotic joy. Their laughter...
She called them her party legs. They were funky black tights with a sprawling design on them. She called them party legs because they were always part of her outfit at any party. The black tights normally accompanied a black dress. She would turn up in the dark attire and yet manage to be the most striking in the room. Often her eyeliner helped her along as it was deep blue and helped highlight...
I MUST LOVE LEAVING
In the middle of the street in the dead of night you stood there yelling obscenities at me as I was turning to leave. For the first time in my life I was the one leaving and it was a situation that seemed to enrage you more. Your voice echoed down the street as each new harsh word cut me up. This wasn’t how I wanted things. But sometimes what you want and reality don’t sit side by side. I turned...
A car pulled onto the silent street as I sat on the pavement under the amber glow of the streetlights. A lone bottle of beer sat beside me, company from a bottle always seemed to accompany me on the nights you left. Step back three hours and you were sat beside me. The sun was peeking intermittently through the clouds at us. A sun drenched scene that lit you up like a star in a movie. As you...
WE ALL DANCE ALONE
I fell in love with a dancer that night as she pirouetted across the stage with more grace than I’ve ever seen. The theatre lights trained on her every move followed by a thousand sets of eyes. Spellbound by a beauty that appeared to fly in front of us. Later that night I was introduced to the dancer in the backstage bar. If she had looked beautiful in the stage lights then she appeared even more...
THE GIRL WITH A MOUSE IN HER HAND
11.47pm found me standing on the underground platform at Kings Cross station. A near empty platform stretched in front of me, with only a few lone drunken stragglers waiting along with me. Suddenly the low roar of the approaching train echoed down the tunnel to us as the breeze pushed through catching pieces of rubbish strewn on the tracks and making them dance for a moment, before the train sped...
HOTEL OF HAPPINESS
A silhouette of sadness brushed across your face as you told me you had to leave. It was a moment we both knew was coming, a moment that we had always known was heading towards us. You sat on the side of the hotel bed as I rested up on a pillow and lit a cigarette. The curtain blew in the breeze as the warm wind swept through the open window, bringing with it the sounds of the busy city outside...
THE JADED ACTRESS
She arrived in town with a battered suitcase of dreams and a heart full of hope. The bright lights and the big smoke were the attraction for her, this city held the key to unlocking her future, a future that would take her far away from the greyness of life in the countryside where she had grown up. Three years on and she was on her way to making the town hers. Billboard posters on the underground...
A FACE IN THE CROWD
You went up to the Big Issue seller and gave him two quid but didn’t take the magazine. It puzzled me. Later you explained that you had already brought a recent copy and that you just wanted to help someone. That was you to the core. Always looking outwards at the world around you and the people in more desperate positions to you. Where other people would avoid being approached you would cross the...
Nails in a burnt red colour flashed across the table in front of me as you picked up your coffee and took a sip. The hangover rattled around my head as the chatter of the café reached my ears and pounded my mind. I’m sure the last few drinks must have seemed worth it last night, but in the cold harsh morning I felt like a fool, sucked into the mystery of the night and the demon called alcohol. You...
Light applause as my legs of jelly move nervously forward. Stepping into a light so bright it obscures everything else, although I know what is in the darkness, I slowly shuffle forward to the lone microphone standing naked on the stage, its long cord coiled across the stage like an angry snake waiting to attack. The applause died out before I took hold of the microphone and was replaced by an...
Sky blue reached out in front of us without a cloud in sight. Cold water lapped at the warm sand around our feet. You pulled your hands through your hair, tying it into a ponytail. A wicked grin spread across your face and you suddenly ducked down and scooped up ice-cold water towards me. Despite always believing that I was manly and in control, I screamed like a girl, or at least far more high...